Time to Take Out the Trash

 So all the little elves and pirates squished themselves into the time machine to return home. It had been a long day.
 It was an uncomfortable journey. Someone's elbow was lodged in Winston's appendix. But he dared not say anything about it, lest an argument break out and the whole thing started all over again.
 The dumpster finally started to slow down (with respect to time).
 "Fingers crossed, everyone."
 Once it stopped, they peaked out from under the lid to see Neverland.
 It was a dreary, polluted hellhole where everyone worked 8-5 and hated magic.
 "Whew. Back to normal."

The end


 'Where's the time machine gone?'

 Winston was sure he'd left it right here, between the giant purple fluffy and the accidentally. But it was nowhere to be seen. They'd have to put on their best searching hats and get to it.

 Georgeffrey the pirate used his telescope, and the elves listened out for it with their big ass ears.

 They found it up in a tree. Right at the top.

 Because of this, the pirates and elves declared a truce. They needed to work together if they were to conquer their common enemy, the braille toad.
 They attacked it in unison, but it was impervious to even their most potent cannons and pixie dust. Moreover it was lapping them up at a rate of 32 elves/sec² (the pirates never bathed, so they were safe for now). The music was getting tense, the stakes were going up, the hammers were going down, and the lambchops were burning on the bottom. This is what is known as a climax.
 At last one of the pirates, who was an accountant, discovered that the braille toad had income that he hadn't reported to the IRS ("But it's just babysitting money!"). Thus he was taken to prison by the feds to serve 40 years.
 "Looks like you got Al Capwned!"
 Everyone laughed. Especially Winston, who didn't get it.
 "Let's go home, guys."

 When they got there one of the pirates, called Winston (it's funny because it's not a pirate's name. Also he had a parrot on his shoulder called Geoffrey.) accidentally slept with one of the elf's moms, so a feud happened. She was really hot though, so it was worth it.

 The pirates and elves fucking hated each other for like 20 years or something, and by that time the hot elf mom wasn't really hot anymore, and Winston began to regret his actions that had brought the elves down on his fellow pirates. Often an elf would meet a pirate in the street on their way to buy more fantastical elven/pirate things (like ear extensions and shoulder-parrots), and they'd beat the shit out of each other like they were playing mods and rockers. It was starting to wear Winston down. He bruised like a banana.

 Then along came the braille toad. It was big, smelly, and surprisingly hairy for a toad. No one really liked it. It made really bad jokes whenever you took it out anywhere, and it had no fashion sense. It was a step too far.
 

 Just off the coast of your mom is a place called Neverland where creatures of every race lived.
 One sunny day the elf race challenged the ogre race to a baseball game, which they accepted. But on the day of the big game the ogres were eaten by squirrels and went extinct. So the pirate race stood in for them.
 It was a pretty unremarkable game for the most part. Then Hardy the pirate stepped up to the plate. The elf pitcher pitched the ball and Hardy bunted with all his might. The ball flew over the fence and landed in the bed of a speeding El Camino. It was gone.
 The elves demanded compensation from the pirates for losing their ball. It had been signed centuries ago by Wally "The Walloper" Wumpdump. It was worth a fortune.
 "How do we even know that's really his signature? If you want us to pay, you have to prove it first."
 The pirates thought that would get them off the hook, but it just so happened one of the elves had a brother whose friend from elf college totally built his own time machine.
 They all traveled to this time machine, which was revealed to be a dumpster. On the back there was a bumper sticker of Calvin peeing on physics. So the entire two races climbed into the dumpster and set the dial for 300 years in the past to settle this dispute once and for all.